a smug little smile says it all

In an engaging recollection labeled “bat-out-of-hell,” we find Carrie Ann keenly focusing on her mother.

As the scenario unfolds, Carrie Ann reveals that she and her father (Bill) are competing for the mother’s attention. Because of this competition, we recognize that "Mother" has all the power.

When the mother, in effect, "chooses" Carrie Ann over husband Bill by dismissing Bill from the room, Carrie Ann gives her dad a “smug little smile,” thereby bringing to light the joy she feels in winning the competition with Dad for her mother's attention.

“He stands up straight, looks at me and shrugs his shoulders, but he does leave. I give him a smug little smile as he walks to the door.”

Carrie Ann’s worldview also is made evident when we observe Carrie Ann's vertical movements relative to the mother's position. In the beginning of the recollection, Carrie Ann is “sitting on the bed.” She has placed herself in her mother’s personal space, an “up position.” When admonished by her mother to get off the bed, Carrie Ann obeys and finds herself in a “down position.”

“Carrie Ann, get off the bed…you’re messing it up!”

However, after the mother dismisses husband Bill from the room, she turns to Carrie Ann for help, thus inviting (or ordering) Carrie Ann back up on the bed...the "up position."

“Carrie, would you hook these pearls for me?”

Immediately, Carrie Ann “leaps from the floor to the bed,” standing now as tall as her mother to fasten the pearls. Her mother validates Carrie Ann’s authority by calling her a "bat-out-of-hell," sounding to Carrie Ann like the best compliment she's ever heard...even causing Carrie Ann to feel "courageous."

At last, if only for a brief moment, Carrie Ann senses that she is as powerful as her mother, the parent who no doubt wins most of the contests in their household. A full history would likely reveal that the mother is the true bat-out-of-hell in Carrie Ann’s childhood.

Thus, only by winning...I have to win... will Carrie Ann be assured a safer, one-up position in her home (and life) – to be powerful (and respected) like the mother (not “the man,” like dad, who gets dismissed from the room; or simply “courageous,” because it’s about more than just courage; or focused on “women ruling,” because in Carrie Ann’s memory/life, only one woman - her mother - is the ruler).

So…how did you do? Did you choose the best answer? While all the answers have merit, only I have to win says it all. Please share your comments and questions with me and stay tuned for a new early recollection coming soon! Maybe yours?

bat-out-of-hell

Sitting on the bed, I watch my mother get dressed. Tonight is our night; Mother and I are going together to my straight “A” celebration at school.

“Carrie Ann, get off the bed,” she snaps. “You’re messing it up!”

I move to the floor. As I watch my mother, I wonder when I grow up will I be as tall as she is, have big boobs, paint my fingernails, wear tight dresses and those hose with little snaps in the front and back. Seems like an awful lot of things to do to be pretty. And my mother is pretty I think.

My dad comes in and leans over to kiss her neck. I look away, embarrassed, because she’s only wearing underwear. She looks at him and smiles….”Get out of here Bill; can’t you see I’m trying to get dressed?”

He stands up straight, looks at me and shrugs his shoulders, but he does leave. I give him a smug little smile as he walks to the door.

“Carrie, would you hook these pearls for me?” I dive onto the bed, knowing as I make the leap from the floor to the bed; it’s the wrong thing to do.

“Why do you always move like a bat-out-of-hell?” she asks. I shrug, but I think how much I like being a bat-out-of-hell. I say it over and over in my head as it sounds courageous to me.

Mother brushes her hair over and over while looking in the mirror, glancing at me as she does. She probably wishes I would do the same. Then she slips on her black dress, fixes the necklace of pearls just so-so, puts on the earrings that match, slips into her very high-heeled shoes, and tells me it’s time for us to go. I look up at her as I slowly slip my hand in hers and think …there will not one person in my class with a mother as pretty as mine.

written by Carrie Ann
2007

Okay…what is Carrie Ann’s worldview? Choose from the following…
1.) I have to win.
2.) Women rule.
3.) I’m courageous.
4.) I’m the man.
PLEASE VOTE for your choice in the poll located on the right.
POST NOTE: 17 people voted/ 35% for #1; 17% for #2; 35% for #3; 11% for #4. The correct answer is #1.